Forlorn Funnies # 1

Writer/Artist: Paul Hornschemeier
Publisher: Absense of Ink Comic Press
Published: June 2002

The store attendant that sold me this issue is a sarcastic douche bag - and if that big haired prick is reading this - I stand behind my statement you 1950's greaser asshole cast off wannabe.

Shit that was a bit harsh I guess...but the guy is still an asshole. I suppose I've had worse experiences dealing with comic shop employees. Back in Fredericton NB the manager of the comic shop I attended seemed to be always giving me a hard time. I thought it was personal. For instance, whenever I entered the store the manager always eyeballed me, acting as if I was going to rob the joint, always following me around. Never mind I was there at least 3 to 4 times every week. I once asked the manager to hold a comic for me that was coming in the next shipment. He said to me he wouldn't do it because 'they don't hold comics for customers who only buy one comic.' Fine, I thought, and let it go. Another time, I asked one of the employees if I could open the $1 comics to peruse them and he said ok, but then in comes the manager, and he instantly blurts out I have done wrong and that I shouldn't be opening the comics.

There were a few other instances that pissed me off, but there not worth going into, but there is one instance that is worth sharing. I hadn't been to the store for about a year, (I wasn't living in Fredericton anymore), and during a visit I went back to pick up a few comics. I had chosen a selection, and I went to the front desk and asked the manager that I had bought comics from for years if I could open them in front of him so I could decide which ones I wanted. He said he wouldn't allow it because he didn't want to put them back. I said I'd put them back. Then he just said no he wouldn't allow me. I said "you know you're going to lose a sale because of this" and he said "I am aware of that." I then bitched that I had been buying comics from him for years, grumbled to myself, bought half the selection, and left.

I was pretty irritated, but as I look back, I can't blame the guy. This is because he's nearly blind. Now don't think I'm forgiving him out of pity, 'cause I'm not. It's because I woke up and realized that he has a uniquely shitty situation. He works in a comic store full of sorts of tiny things and he can't see. He probably has developed different defense mechanisms to help him run the store, and his interaction with me probably wasn't personal. He probably didn't know I was a regular customer because he couldn't see me clearly. Plus, Fredericton has more than its fair share of jerks and he probably has been ripped off by assholes, so he treats everyone with suspicion when it comes to his comics. When I asked him to let me open some comics, his first worry was probably that I would steal them. I know that would be my worry if I were in his shoes. Anyway I was in the wrong and I've accepted that, but as for the big haired dick weed that works at the current shop I go to, he has no excuse for being a prick. Fuck him.

Forlorn Funnies is an experimental comic that has several different stories blended together. The first story has a 'bad bad man' attempting to kill the wrong man and failing, whereupon he then heads home to read "Thesaurus The Literate Dinosaur." The bad man then heads to town to score some lovin' and during his walk the art/story transitions to a lonely young woman watching Mr. Dangerous on TV, which then transitions into Mr. Dangerous world as his show is axed, which then transitions again into a fast food diner where he is offered a job to dress up as a woman, which transitions again into the life of a character who has a complicated crush on his neighbor.

I really liked the transitions between tales. Check out the transition between the bad man tale to the lonely woman's story.