Avengers Fairy Tales # 1

Writers: C.B. Cebulski
Artists: Joao Lemos
Publisher: Marvel
Published: May 2008

So Long 2008 & Thanks For Everything. Hard to believe another year is gone. Almost make's one feel like they don't want to grow up....

Today I'm reviewing another Marvel fairy tale issue. This one is from the Avengers line, and it has Wanda and Pietro taken to Neverland by the Captain. Sound familiar? The story has Wanda and Pietro meeting the Lost Boys, Thor, Shellhead, Panther, and Hawk, and the fairy Wasp, who all live in a land of play and adventure. Meanwhile, Klaw, the bad guy has different plans for Captain and Wanda....too bad for Klaw, the clocks ticking for him and a hungry gator is waiting...

With a snap of his jaw, goodbye Klaw, and Goodnight 2008!


Here's to never, ever growing up.

Batman: Ego

Writer/Artist: Darwyn Cooke
Publisher: DC
Published: 2000

This is one of the best one-shot stories issued on Batman in the last decade. The story has Bruce Wayne forced to face the monster he's created: The Batman. The issue opens with Batman attempting to interrogate a criminal for info on the Joker. The criminal is so scared of both of Joker and the Joker's wrath against him and his family, he ends up taking his own life in front of Batman.

This act starts Bruce's journey into his own mind and questioning if his choice to create Batman was a correct one. At this point, the embodiment of Batman appears, and begins terrorizes Bruce. He tries to force Bruce to let him take control, and that only true justice and inner peace can be achieved if they kill the Joker. Bruce is tempted, but in the end decides that killing is what separates them from the criminals, and the two form a mutual alliance.
If after this quick summary and you're not starting to think Batman Begins or The Dark Knight, then you my friend are no Batman fan, man. These themes are the same themes that Bale and Nolan's sourced to create the Batman of the 00's. Of course, I would be amiss to cite Cooke as the sole originator of these ideas, but I like Cooke's work so much that I'm inclined to think this.

Robin Year One # 1 of 4

Writers: Chuck Dixon & Scott Beatty
Artist: Javier Pulido
Publisher: DC
Published: 2000

So here's the deal: I've never liked Robin being included in the Batman mythos. I understand why he was included, and I understand his importance in the Batman universe, but I just didn't go out of my way to actually read up on the guy. My interest in the character didn't start developing until I read Paul Pope's Teenage Sidekick, and when Jason Todd kicked the bucket. Today I took the bold step to actually read a strictly Robin story, and hard as it is to believe, I actually enjoyed it. The art is snappy, the script straightforward, and the story a mix of horrifying adultness and lost youth.

The story follows Batman and Robin as they attempt to track ten missing girls. The girls have been kidnapped by the Mad Hatter who intends to sell them to a sleazy foreign diplomat. The girls are dressed to look like Alice from Alice in Wonderland, which is a book of changes, ranging from physical changes to emotional state changes. Robin himself is a child in transition. He lives the life of a boy, but he is essentially an adult, choosing to tackle the worst aspects of life alongside Batman. In this issue he rescues a fellow classmate from being sold into slavery (or worst). It doesn't get more adult that that. Anyway, enough rattling on. I just want to say I got more respect for the character. Oh, and Alfred rocks in this series! Peas out!

Spider-Man Fairy Tales # 3

Writer: C.B. Cebulski
Artist: Kei Kobayashi
Colorist: Christina Strain
Publisher: Marvel
Published: September 2007

I really dig these fairy tale spins on the Marvel universe. So far I've got all the Avengers Fairy tales, Spider-Man fairy tales, and some of the X-Men fairy tales. What I dig most is that Marvel is not just placing their characters into the traditional tales, but actually merging the original character into the fairy tale. Take for instance issue 3 of the Spider-Man run.

Peter Parker is Izumi and he is in the care of his grandparents, Aunt Satsuki and Uncle Masaru. His parents were killed by the Yokai, the evil spirits, and they live outside the village. The leader spirit is a Venom inspired monster. Izumi takes it upon himself to avenge his parents, but finds his efforts thwarted as the evil spirits invade his home, capture Aunt Satsuki, and kill his uncle. These themes sound familiar?

Izumi ends up getting infected by the spirits venom, and morphs into a demon spider spirit, but the only difference is that Izumi still has his heart to give him guidance, and he defies his "brother" spirits to save his aunt. He defeats the poison in his heart, and with the assistance of his Aunt, finds the ability to live with his curse. The End.

All Star Batman & Robin The Boy Wonder # 10

Writer: Frank Miller
Artist: Jim Lee
Publisher: DC
Published: August 2008

"Holy Shit Batman!"

After a spectacular issue # 9, Miller and Lee follow up with a voyage into Swearville. The story was decent, with Batman rescuing a beat up Catwoman, Batgirl being arrested, Black Canary blowing up a child porn base, and Jim Gordon's wife Barbara in the hospital after drinking and driving. Beyond that, the only element of note was the excessive amount of swearing. Now I can see why DC 'accidentally' published this issue without the swears being entirely blacked out, because with them blacked out I have to spend half my time figuring out what swear works best in the sentence. Are they saying "fuck", "shit" or what? I don't like having to guess what swear works best. Call it my lazy comic book nature, but the reason I buy comics is because the pictures are already created for me and I don't have to "imagine" the visuals. Hiding the words just further complicates my lazy nature, 'cause if I don't even want to imagine the visuals, who the shit Goddamn fuck motherfucking asswipe dickwad fucker' would think that I want to imagine the words!

Show me the muthfuckin' money bitch!

Swearing is wrong. But if Batman can get away with calling Catwoman "Baby " while Miller romanticizes their "sweaty, dirty, glorious mess..." then I guess swearing is the least of concerns.

Mad House # 96

Writers: Marvin Channing, Bruce Jones, John Jacobson
Artists: Sal Amendola, Jesse Santos, Bruce Jones
Publisher: Red Circle Productions
Published: November 1974

Back to business eh? Hell Yeah! Speaking of Hell, I picked up this gem of an issue. Mad House # 96 (number of a beast, but not the beast) has a few tales of high interest. Never Bother A Dead Man concerns a local funeral parlor and it's keeper being attacked by a local gang. Little does the gang leader realize, but he's picked the wrong house of dead people to terrorize. Sounds cool right? Well it is cool, sort of. The gang leader is literally scared to death when he is grabbed by a dead guy still undergoing rigamortis.

Demon Kiss is the best of the bunch, which has a young wannabe actress selling her soul to the devil for a major studio part. The only catch is, if she doesn't kiss someone within a year's time she will lose her soul. What fascinates me with these types of tales is that the characters bargaining with the devil always want superfluous shit. Yeah yeah, I know that's the moral of these stories: your soul is always the most valuable thing you have, but I would like to see someday somebody selling their soul for something great, like world peace, or even a better soul. You know what I mean, one of those souls that is so great it makes other people feel worse just to be around them...fuck I hate those type people.

The third tale is about a young witch foiling her coven's plan to summon a demon when she orders them at gun point to resurrect her dead husband. Upon his resurrection, she instantly offers to make him a meal. I just hope she plans on making him a meal of evil and barley, as her husband is not who she thinks he is - he's a fucking demon - GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!

Finally the last tale has a dog cursed by a gypsy woman killing its owners by pushing them down stairs. Bit of a let down considering the the caliber of the other tales, but it did satisfy my appetite for dogs murdering people in a no-nonsense manner. This dog must be Cujo's older, more responsible brother, the one that calls home every week to check up on the family gossip and bills.

Walt Disney's Mickey & Donald # 17

Writers: Carl Fallberg, Carl Barks, Ted Osborne, Paul Murry, John Lustig, Jan Kruse, Bryon Erickson
Artists: Paul Murry, Carl Barks, Floyd Gottfredson, William Van Horn, Don Rosa
Publisher: Gladstone Publishing
Published: March 1990

Merry Christmas! Hanuka, Kwanzaa, miscellaneous day of celebration.

Today is the day that love is in the air and gifts rain like rain on a rainy day. Whenever I think back on previous Christmas's I'm flooded with memories of food, gifts, and Christmas TV specials. One special that always stood out in my mind was Disney's retelling of A Christmas Carol. What a great cartoon.

Well I was able to find a Disney Christmas comic. It's no A Christmas Carol, but it'll have to do. The comic is jumbo sized, with several tales. The first one has Mickey and Goofy in the Wild West as conductors for a railway. They are charged with delivering the pay to a group of miners. Too bad a certain evil Pete has his eyes on that pay as well. The second tale has Uncle Scrooge, Donald and the boys trapped on a tropical island over the holidays. The next longer tale involves Mickey getting caught up in some hi jinks, and finally Donald on the hunt for a perfect Christmas gift. Also, there are a few short gags thrown in. All in all a nice Christmas comic for the Disney fan in all of us.

Have a great X-Mas! Enjoy some Mickey madness!

X-Men Classic # 47

Writer: Chris Claremont
Artist: John Byrne
Colorist: Glynis Wein
Publisher: Marvel
Published: May 1990

Happy Christmas Eve!

This is one of my favorite Christmas X-Men Kitty Pryde stories. Kitty is still a kid amongst the X-Men, but not by her choosing. She longs to be treated like an equal, and less like a student. Well, tonight on Christmas Eve, she'll have her chance to earn her stripes....'CAUSE A BIG FRICKEN' DEMON IS GOING TO HUNT HER DOWN!
This tale is straight out of the Aliens films starring Sigourney Weaver. While the X-Men are away celebrating, Kitty is chased around the mansion trying to evade and not be killed by this giant demon. She leads the demon to the Danger Room, where she uses the equipment to try and kill it. This has no effect. Fearing for her life and desperate for options she runs to the X-Men hanger, where she uses the Blackbirds jet engines to fry that bitch! All seems calm, until out of the flames the demon stretches it's demon claws at Kitty. Is this the end of our spitfire heroine?Nope, she lives. Have a demon-free Christmas Eve!

Gumby's Winter Fun Special

Writer: Steve Purcell
Artist: Art Adams
Colorist: Rick Taylor
Publisher: Comico The Comic Company
Published: December 1988

Now here's an odd one. We got Gumby and Pokey helping to rescue trapped toy miners who have been captured by Mole People, who then recruit Gumby and Pokey to save Ray Crabbe (aka Santa Claus) who has been captured by Beelzebub and is interned in Heck.

Ok, let that sink in...toy miners...Mole People...Santa...Beelzebub...Heck...Gumby & Pokey.

I know what you're thinking: "Awesome". Me too.The toy miners were pretty neat. The miners have to dig around in the earth, harvesting toys, but the toys can't be given out to kids right away because they are unrefined and unprocessed. The Earth has different pockets of toys, from plush toys to Etch-A-Sketchs. Oh also Gumby and Pokey own a giant robotic insect shaped drill. The Mole People are responsible for cooling the overheating Earth, and Heck is a land filled with 24/7 advertisements, concerts that don't end, forced gluttony, and Santa looks like a biker while Satan looks like the Lord of Darkness. The best part of the whole issue was when Gumby and Pokey are in Heck rescuing Santa, they start to melt cause it's so hot. By the end of the rescue, the little Mole girl, Natasha, has to carry them out in buckets. Oh, too funny!

One last thing I forgot: the issue ends with Santa piloting a giant Gumby Gundam Mech to battle giant monsters.

Jurassic Park in 1988? Gumby you're ahead of your time!

The Spirit # 13: Holiday Special

Writers: Glen David Gold, Dennis O'Neil, Gail Simone
Artists: Eduardo Risso, Ty Templeton, Phil Hester & Ande Parks
Cover: Darwyn Cooke & Jay Bone
Publisher: DC
Published: February 2008

So of my holiday reviews I've come across a bunch of A Christmas Carol inspired stories, so it only seemed natural to review The Spirit. For all you comic newbies, the Spirit is Will Eisner's signature crime fighter who basically is thought to be dead, wears a suit and a mask, and lives in a cemetery hideout. Cooke took on the awesome responsibility of resurrecting the Spirit, and he didn't disappoint.

The holiday special is composed of 3 tales. The first one by Gold and Risso is about a jewel heist that goes wrong when the Spirit gets involve. The jewels end up flung next to a rare tiger, and a special femme fatale is called in to retrieve the jewels, but the only thing is will she give back the jewels or take them for herself, and what does she consider to be the real jewel? The second tale by O'Neil and Templeton has the Spirit being a nice guy and helping out a old lady get her dead uncles treasure, only to have his act of kindness be rewarded with snobbery. Finally the last tale is wordless and involves the Spirit being roughed up and tossed into a frozen river. Don't worry folks though, he ends up all right.

I was a late comer to the Spirit, but I find I really dig the character. He's a nice guy caught up in a world of crime and women. I'm excited for the movie coming out on Christmas, but I'm not excited that it was called "Will Eisner's The Spirit" because this movie is going to be far from what I imagine Will Eisner would envision of his character. That being said, it isn't necassirily a bad thing that Miller is going to trample his Millerisms all over Eisner's work, but like my buddy said, its that the general public is going to see a Miller movie and start to confuse Miller's vision with Eisner's vision of what the Spirit was all about. Oh, and I am a bit disappointed that Miller is not going to stick to the original concept that the villain, The Octopus, is forever a unseen character. Oh well, I just hope it'll have an awesome opening where the title, "The Spirit" is spelled out in the background, like so:
Merry Christmas from the Not-The-Brightest-Bulb-On-The-TreeYou'll shoot your eye out kid.