The Complete Cheech Wizard Vol. 1

Writer/Artist: Vaughn Bode
Publisher: Rip Off Press
Published: 1986

Any underground comix fan will know of Vaughn Bode. He was the magician of the underground crew, and with his creation the Cheech Wizard, the two created magic; and by magic I mean a lot of magical kicks to the groin. The Wizard is also a fan of the more carnal aspects of life. Remember folks, these comics are'nt called 'underground comix' without a reason. Then again, that being said, these comics could be considered tame in regards to today's standards.

Anyway, this volume collects about 16 strips of the Wizard in action. Here's a few shots, and by shots I mean nut shots:If you're wondering why I censored this one, it is strictly because I never did like the way Vaughn Bode drew the lizards groins....well as much as one can like seeing lizard groins...


"Arrgh my groin"

OMAC # 2

Writer/Artist: Jack Kirby
Publisher: DC
Published: December 1974

OMAC! He is the ONE MAN ARMY CORP!

Beyond knowing that Chris Sims has a major hard-on for this guy, I myself know very little about the guy other than that HE IS A ONE MAN ARMY CORP!

Issue # 2 has OMAC entering a city that has been rented to a private citizen for a special party. Omac is denied entry, but then again this is OMAC! Observe:


I AM OMAC!

Besides OMAC going where only OMAC knows, OMAC is given a lift by a two party dressed fellows and they take him into the city. OMAC then meets up with Professor Myron Forest who tells that OMAC is linked with Brother Eye. Brother eye will help OMAC do the job of thousands, and contain war. Too bad for OMAC, but Mister Big has different plans for OMAC - to destroy Project OMAC!


OMAC!
OMAC!
OMAC!

Dork # 5

Writer/Artist: Evan Dorkin
Publisher: Slave Labor Graphics
Published: January 1998

Here's another issue by irreverent, disgusting, satirical Evan Dorkin. This one has two short stories and a bunch of 4 panel strips. Check a few of the standout strips below:

Big Bang # 3

Writers: Gary Carlson, Bill Fugate
Artists: Jeff Weigel, Bill Fugate, Jim Valentino
Publisher: Image Comics
Published: July 1996

The Big Bang comic series are homages of old golden and silver age comics. The first half of this comic concerns Ultiman, (Superman), who battles a mad scientist by the name of Cortex. Cortex tricks Ultiman and creates a doorway which allows a reversed Ultiman to storm the city. Sound a little bizarro? The 'bad' Ultiman causes a ruckus so Knight Watchman (Batman) enters the scene to sort things out as only Bat - uh - Knight Watchman can...'cause that is what friends are for.

The second half is a homage to Mary Marvel. In this story, Thunder Girl is attacked by a duplicate of herself, Tornado Girl, where Tornado Girl is a common criminal suped up by the evil Dr. Binana (a evil monkey). Playing possum, Thunder Girl is able to easily defeat Dr. Binana and Tornado Girl.

Overall I was impressed by these two stories. When I first read them I thought, "this can't be right - these are blatent rip offs of DC heroes," but at the same time, they looked so true to the source material, I thought they might have been some old authentic knock offs. I guess that's just a testament to the talented folks at Image Comics.

Death Hawk # 1

Writer: Mark Ellis
Artist: Adam Hughes
Cover Artist: Dave Dorman
Publisher: Adventure Publications
Published: May 1988

NOW THAT'S A COMIC COVER!

Forget the story, that cover speaks for itself! Here's a bad ass and wherever this guy goes, so goes ADVENTURE! And look at that eyeball thingy - shit yeah!

For you nit pickers here's the story: Death Hawk is hired to return a relic to his employers, and on his quest he meets the vivacious and deadly Vanessa, who has other plans for the relic...thus begins ADVENTURE!

Batman Adventures # 2

Writer: Kelley Puckett
Artist: Ty Templeton
Publisher: DC
Published: November 1992

Da na na na na na na na - BATMAN!

Batman Gotham Adventures # 2 has ol' Bats protecting the crown jewels from the clutches of Catwoman. Joker encourages Catwoman to rob Queen Victoria's Crown Jewels, but Batman is on the case. The issue ends with Batman figuring out Catwoman's plan and foiling it...of course...

...but don't think Catwoman didn't get a few jabs in herself. See for yourself:

Also, what's the deal with Catwoman being blond? I don't know why, but I find that almost as odd as Loki being a female in the new Thor series. It's just weird...

The Unexpected # 222

Writers: Arnold Drake, B.S. Watson, Mark Pasko, Robert Kanigher
Artists: Tor F. Infante, Michael Clark, John Celardo, Mark Silverstri, Keith Giffen
Publisher: DC
Published: May 1982

Another odd one today.

The opening story has a father who is a widow. Him and his wife, Linda had problems conceiving. However, one mysterious night Linda wakes up smelling lilacs. Going back to sleep they think nothing of it. Later she ends up becoming pregnant and during the child's birth Linda ends up dying. The child is named Miracle, and she goes on to live a childhood full of abuse by her peers and being raised by a father who never speaks her name. She is picked on because she is permanently bald, and her father blames her for Linda's death. One day while driving back from Linda's grave, they both smell lilacs. Immediately after smelling them a spaceship lands. They stop, and aliens approach them. Miracle takes off her wig, and the aliens announce they are here to pick up their child. Turns out the aliens can't conceive, so they impregnate earth women. The aliens take their child, and as a thank you they return a cloned version of Linda. The husband is overjoyed and finally says his child's name, but only in reference to saying "goodbye."

More like: "Goodbye Miracle, thanks for nothing. Oh and thank you aliens for killing my first wife and then returning a cloned copy that won't have any of the memories or personality that I fell in love with. Thanks again!"

Damn aliens, think they can do anything....

The second tale is a one page story of aliens deciding us humans are doing all right for ourselves as they observe some folks buying stuff at a local department store.

The third tale has a vampire on the loose. After preying upon his victims he calls the local police department, so that his victims won't die. The cops eventually track the vampire down and find out he is the brother to the head detective, and in life the vampire was a priest.

Finally the last tale has Alexander the Great on his quest to conquer the known world. At the height of his power, he dies, but is not given a coin to pay the toll to cross the river Styx. So in life, he was a king of kings, but in death he is nothing more than a lost soul who can't pay the price for a decent afterlife. Deep...

Swamp Thing Annual # 1

Script: Bruce Jones
Story: Wes Craven
Artists: Mark Texiera & Tony DeZuniga
Publisher: DC
Published: 1982

Swamp Thing
you are a amazing.
You fight everything NASTY.
Swamp Thing
Swamp Thing Earth really needs you...

Swamp Thing is awesome. Especially when Alan Moore is writing. This isn't an Alan Moore issue, but in many ways it's just as good.

Sort of.

If you've seen the 1982 Swamp Thing film, then you know exactly what is in store if you pick up this issue. If you haven't seen the film - here's the deal: Guy named Alec is blown up, falls in swamp covered in scientific formula, becomes swamp creature who battles an evil-man-turned-monster-named-Arcane and kicks his monster ass, while lady named Alice is caught in the middle.

Swamp Thing rules.

Check some graphics:


uhm, that's what she said....

Naughty Bits # 17

Writer/Artist: Roberta Gregory
Publisher: Fantagraphics
Published: August 1995

I don't really have too much to say on this comic, beyond it was an interesting read. The main character Midge aka Bitchy Bitch is a confused mess who sleeps around and worries more about what people think about her then what she thinks about herself. While enjoying different sexual partners she joins a Woman's Collective. She stands out in stark contrast to the other woman that also attend, but in the end she shares a painful memory and is accepted by the group.

Also in this issue she develops a yeast infection, contracts gonorrhea, finds a new job, finds out her roommate is lesbian, and she has a fight with her parents. Definitely an eventful 18 pages.

My first year of university I took a woman's studies class. Man that sucked. I mean, woman that sucked. Never mind my initial reasons for taking the class, let me just say that back then I was a lot more determined and hard headed than I am now, and against my better judgment I stuck it out. Each week I looked forward to attending a class where I was the only male present, and the main topic of interest was: "what men do to ruin our lives?"

Just joking!...but at times it felt like that because a few of the students used the class as a forum to discuss how a man, or men, had or have worsened their life. Now, don't get me wrong for stating this. I'm not saying my fellow classmates had no right to bitch about men; I just couldn't help but feel that some of the ladies present saw me as a typical male that causes the sort of typical male shit that men cause and so I felt all eyes were on me.

In the end I can't blame them, I did err on my part. I joined a class that didn't want me there but let me stay out of forced politeness, and if anything, I'm thankful they sheathed their claws slightly because I just know if those cats* really wanted to scratch, I would have been a heap of sliced man meat.

* Yes, I know that women don't like being referred to as cats. I would have said "chicks" but everyone knows chicks are too tiny and cute to cut shit, so my last remark wouldn't have made sense. If I had said "hens" on the other hand...well that probably would have been worse, so ladies - you owe me one!

Better yet: we'll call it even. Equality. How refreshing.

Forlorn Funnies # 1

Writer/Artist: Paul Hornschemeier
Publisher: Absense of Ink Comic Press
Published: June 2002

The store attendant that sold me this issue is a sarcastic douche bag - and if that big haired prick is reading this - I stand behind my statement you 1950's greaser asshole cast off wannabe.

Shit that was a bit harsh I guess...but the guy is still an asshole. I suppose I've had worse experiences dealing with comic shop employees. Back in Fredericton NB the manager of the comic shop I attended seemed to be always giving me a hard time. I thought it was personal. For instance, whenever I entered the store the manager always eyeballed me, acting as if I was going to rob the joint, always following me around. Never mind I was there at least 3 to 4 times every week. I once asked the manager to hold a comic for me that was coming in the next shipment. He said to me he wouldn't do it because 'they don't hold comics for customers who only buy one comic.' Fine, I thought, and let it go. Another time, I asked one of the employees if I could open the $1 comics to peruse them and he said ok, but then in comes the manager, and he instantly blurts out I have done wrong and that I shouldn't be opening the comics.

There were a few other instances that pissed me off, but there not worth going into, but there is one instance that is worth sharing. I hadn't been to the store for about a year, (I wasn't living in Fredericton anymore), and during a visit I went back to pick up a few comics. I had chosen a selection, and I went to the front desk and asked the manager that I had bought comics from for years if I could open them in front of him so I could decide which ones I wanted. He said he wouldn't allow it because he didn't want to put them back. I said I'd put them back. Then he just said no he wouldn't allow me. I said "you know you're going to lose a sale because of this" and he said "I am aware of that." I then bitched that I had been buying comics from him for years, grumbled to myself, bought half the selection, and left.

I was pretty irritated, but as I look back, I can't blame the guy. This is because he's nearly blind. Now don't think I'm forgiving him out of pity, 'cause I'm not. It's because I woke up and realized that he has a uniquely shitty situation. He works in a comic store full of sorts of tiny things and he can't see. He probably has developed different defense mechanisms to help him run the store, and his interaction with me probably wasn't personal. He probably didn't know I was a regular customer because he couldn't see me clearly. Plus, Fredericton has more than its fair share of jerks and he probably has been ripped off by assholes, so he treats everyone with suspicion when it comes to his comics. When I asked him to let me open some comics, his first worry was probably that I would steal them. I know that would be my worry if I were in his shoes. Anyway I was in the wrong and I've accepted that, but as for the big haired dick weed that works at the current shop I go to, he has no excuse for being a prick. Fuck him.

Forlorn Funnies is an experimental comic that has several different stories blended together. The first story has a 'bad bad man' attempting to kill the wrong man and failing, whereupon he then heads home to read "Thesaurus The Literate Dinosaur." The bad man then heads to town to score some lovin' and during his walk the art/story transitions to a lonely young woman watching Mr. Dangerous on TV, which then transitions into Mr. Dangerous world as his show is axed, which then transitions again into a fast food diner where he is offered a job to dress up as a woman, which transitions again into the life of a character who has a complicated crush on his neighbor.

I really liked the transitions between tales. Check out the transition between the bad man tale to the lonely woman's story.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles # 31

Writer: Michael Zulli & Stephen Murphy
Artist: Michael Zulli
Publisher: Mirage Studios
Published: July 1990

When I first read this back in '90 I had just watched the live action Ninja Turtles film. The film was as about grown up as a movie about mutant turtles meant for kid audiences could be. However, after reading Zulli's interpretation of the TMNT, I didn't realize how grown up and different Ninja Turtles could really be.

Zulli did the story and art, with Murphy providing the script. The turtles are not just pizza loving dudes, but bestial beings who serve their master, 'the rat,' with undying loyalty. Shredder is the Samurai overlord who leads the attack bothy psychically and physically on the beasts "who have no souls."

Zulli's art is dark, spiritual, and noble. He renders the turtles and Splinter as elemental forces of nature, and Shredder is 'man' with all his resources and cold reasoning. This issue forever elevated the turtles in my mind and exposed me to the infinite possibility of what imagination and vision can create. Bravo!

Clive Barker's Night Breed # 21

Writer: Nicholas Vince
Artist: Colleen Doran
Publisher: EPIC comics
Published: November 1992

Over a 100 comics down, and in my quest to find unique (or at least different comics) I haven't had much of a problem in reading an issue midway through a series and not being too baffled. However, today I read Cliver Barker's Night Breed # 21, and I must admit I am completely lost as to what the hell is going on.

Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much
I've read some Clive Barker novels, and I've seen at least 4 Hellraiser films, so I kinda know what Barker is all about: magic, different realms, sex, gore, names I can't pronounce, and horrific creatures. I figured this knowledge would transfer over to this read, and in some ways it does. Night Breed has got all these elements, but that's about as much as I've picked up on. So not to belabor the point, I have no idea what is going on this story, so I'm just going to post some scans.

l-l-l-lazy eye!

Fantastic Four: Ilsla De La Muerte!

Writer: Tom Beland
Artist: Juan Doe
Publisher: Marvel
Published: February 2008

The FF delivers in this issue!

Ben Grimm takes a 3 day vacation every year and he never tells anyone where he goes. Of course, this annoys Johnny to no end. Once Ben is gone, Johnny persuades Sue to pester Richard to find out where he goes. Turns out Ben goes to Puerto Rico every year. The remaining FF crash his vacation, much to Things chagrin. Too bad for Ben, not only does he have to deal with the invasive FF, but the mysterious El Chupacabras have returned to Puerto Rico to claim what is theirs.

Oh, and Mole Man is involved. I have only a handful of Fantastic Four comics and at least half of them have the damn Mole Man. I can't seem to get away from the guy!

This was a great issue though, even if it has the Mole Man. The art was *ahem* fantastic, and all the characters mannerisms were dead on. Plus, this was a Ben Grim comic, so it got into that whole 'being accepted' thing, and even manages to mention the other quintessential Ben Grimm issue "This Man...This Monster." What a great issue.