Captain Dingleberry # 1

Writers: Harper Jaten and Rick Remender
Artists: Harper Jaten, Rick Remender, and Rory Hensley
Publisher: Underhanded Comics
Published: August 1998

Just over a week away from V-Day!

In my quest to find lovey dovey comics I've hit bit of a wall, ie. I didn't want to try today...because I'm feeling a bit shitty. However that being said, just like some days are shitty, so can love be shitty. So for today's romance comic review, here's one just on poo.

Captain Dingleberry is a superhero who can summon The Fecal Four from his butt. They are lumps of crap: Super Turd, Boil, Crazy Eight, and Runny. In this issue he is battling a bitter art nerd, who he ends up sending to Assville which is a universe that is entered via his poop shoot. In Assville, the villain heads to Yeast of Eden which is a Salon and Bakery, and it is here that he meets Sir Richard. Meanwhile, Cpt. Dingleberry and his Fecal Four are going to reign in Curly The Fallen Dingleberry.

No, I did not just make that up...this is one of those comics that ol' Voltaire has a saying for: "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."

Vive Le Poo!

World's Finest Comics Starring Superman and Batman # 295

Writers: L.B. Kellog, David Anthony Kraft
Artists: Jerome Moore, Frank McLaughlin
Publisher: DC
Published: September 1983

I haven't read too many Batman or Superman tales from the 80s, but I'm beginning to think I missed a special time in their friendship. This issue opens with Batman on his deathbed after a gas poisoning by the Moon Dancers. Superman is at his side, and the two are sharing a silent moment.

I wish I knew how to quit you!
Turns out that the Moon Dancers, which include Harvest Moon, Crescent Moon, and New Moon, are working for a scientist hellbent on dismantling all nuclear weapons. Crescent Moon is responsible for gassing Batman, but she is unaware of her masters ultimate plan, to poison Batman with an unknown virus, forcing Superman to search space for a rare energy source to cure the virus. Of, course Superman is able to find the energy source, cure Batman, and then have it fall into the evil scientists hands. The issue ends with Batman and Superman teaming up to topple the mad scientist and his plans of using this rare energy to destroy all nuclear weapons.

I picked up this issue solely because of the Moon Dancers. I mean, come on, does that not sound awesome? Crescent Moon rides a crescent shaped hovercraft and looks remarkably like Dagger from Marvel, Harvest Moon looks like Neil Young, but real hot like...kidding! She's the red head of the crew and has the power to alter her size, and New Moon is the hippie looking lady who fires freeze rays. So, yeah, pretty cool right?

After reading the comic though, besides the Moon Dancers, awesomeness, I couldn't help but feel bad for Batsy. I mean, he ends up being beaten and manipulated by the baddies, which isn't a big deal, but when he's out cold, Gotham criminals, hearing that he is on the way out, end up starting a massive crime wave. However, after Batman has been cured and is resting, Superman flies into Gotham, and in a day's work ends up stopping and capturing all the criminals. If I were Batman, I'd feel a bit, oh I don't know, useless. Realistically, it would take Batman at least a couple of weeks to accomplist that feat! No wonder the two of them got a whole brokeback/hate thing going.

Miracleman # 1

Writer: Alan Moore
Artist: Gary Leach
Publisher: Warrior, Eclipse
Published: March 1982, August 1985

M is for Marvelma-eh what's that Marvel? You want me to say it's called Miracleman or you're sending in the Avengers to 'fix' things. Well ok...

Probably one of the best series to hit the comic scene that you'll never read. My little speech above about Marvel is just the tip of the iceberg as to what is plaguing the re-release of this great series. Miracleman is tied up in so much legal mumbo jumbo over the title, content, and ownership that it will be a cold day in hell before us little folk will ever be given the chance to purchase this comic. Which is a shame, because this series needs to be read by any serious comic fan.

Miracleman issue one is broken into four chapters. The first chapter is written/drawn as if it were straight out of the 50s sci-fi comics. It involves the Miracle Family having to travel through time to 1981 to stop the Science Gestapo from controlling the Earth. The Science Gestapo had traveled back to the 50s to overrun Earth with their superior weapons, but were unprepared to deal with Miracleman and Co.

The second chapter we are introduced to Michael Moran, a freelance journalist, and his wife. Michael suffers from migraines and nightmares of flying and then being burned by a horrible explosion. Later, while at a job, he is taken hostage by terrorists. His migraine worsens, and he feels he is being forced to remember something. That something just so happens to be the magic word to summon Miracleman: "Kimota" (Atomic backwards). Once spoken, the word transforms him into Miracleman, whereupon he burns and destroys his captors. He leaps to the air, exclaiming he is back!

Finally the third and fourth chapter has Miracleman explaining to his wife that he is indeed Michael Moran. After some awkward explanations, she begins to accept the truth. The issue ends with Michael being contacted by an old friend, Johnny Bates (Kid Miracle of the Miracleman Family), who is not as he appears to be. By this I mean, he's a raving lunatic corrupt with power. The issue ends with Kid Miracle about to show Miracleman what 27 years of unchecked power can really do to a person.

OK, so I've set the stage, and your probably sitting on the edge of your seat in excitement. If not, blame me, not Miracleman. This story deserves your attention, because if those sharks in suits keep about their business, the world will never get the chance to see Miracleman in action. Normally I don't advocate torrents, on the grounds that it is stealing (and it is, and we all do it to one degree or another so lets not delude ourselves and call it what it is - stealing) but this series deserves to be stolen, 'cause otherwise you'll never get the chance to read it. Once you're done head out and buy Swamp Thing or Watchmen to alleviate your guilt.





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Alf # 18

Writer: Michael Gallagher
Artist: Dave Manak
Colorist: Marie Severin
Publisher: Marvel
Published: August 1989

A is for the amazing and audacious ALF!

Anyone remember Alf? He's that brown furry alien that took over sit-com hell in the mid 80s. Because of the popularity his show he was soon turned into a comic published by Marvel. The comics usually consisted of a series of short stories or gags.

Issue 18 has 3 tales. The first one involves Alf sniffing some pesticide, which causes him to grow exponentially. This forces the Tanner's to hide him in the woods, whereupon he scares away some poachers. He returns to his normal size when he drinks pond scum to put out some stray fires. The second tale has - ah forget it, nobody really wants to hear about Alf these days. Unless an alien is eating Reese's Pieces or human organ meat who can be bothered to care?

I've said it once before, and I'll say it again: Don't trust anything that looks like a hairy turd.

I once knew a guy who had a nick name that was Turd. Not sure why he was so cool about it.

The Goon # 8: The Vampire Dame Had to Die!

Writer/Artist: Eric Powell
Colorists: Robin Powell, Shaynne Corbette, Barry Gregory
Publisher: Dark Horse Comics
Published: August 2004

I've never read any of Eric Powell's The Goon before this issue, but after reading The Goon #8, I know this author to be a great person.

The story follows The Goon as he battles against a most ancient evil, the mighty vampire. Long story short, the Goon defeats the vampire. Normally I would go into detail about some of the plot elements, but I think I'm going to devote most of my attention to the first two pages of this comic, which sum up Powell's greatness.

Often whenever I read or watch something that is of mind boggling greatness I can't help but be compelled to seek out more of that greatness. This often leads me to wanting to read and watch everything created by that particular author. And once that desire is fulfilled I often will take to the internet to research more information on the creator and ask: "what is this person like who can create such greatness?" The search into the personal life and inner motivations of the author are now just as, or more, important than the work. (This mode of fascination, I believe, is the root of our culture's fascination with celebrities and biographies.)

But sometimes, purely by accident, the greatness of the author precedes the work. The Goon #8 is a perfect example of this phenomena. Because I had never read any work from Powell, I had no idea of what his work was all about. I happened to be in a comic shop that was having a massive sale, and I picked up issue 8 of the Goon on a whim. Reading the first two pages I was greeted to this:



At the time this issue's publishing Powell had just been nominated for an Eisner Award, one of comics highest honors. His 2 page, dark-stained response to this honor is a clear indication that Eric Powell is a great person of humble origins; and in my mind, regardless of how spectacular his work is, he will always be the author who opened with a poo joke. Truly, this Eric Powell is a great person.